Water Features - The return of Mr 12-Feet J-Bay Smarty Pants Bay

Large grey '72 Kombi' seven surfboards on the roof, demanding my presence inside it, hollering.  "How much do the tangerines cost?

. . . Quanto custa istu tangerinas??"

And its bearded driver decoding the subtext of "Let's hit it eksê," while the chemist lady gives me the gaff on the Larium side-effects.  "Some people have very vivid dreams."

So begins a bizarre water-fuelled surf trip through Mozambique, Elvis worship, rave culture, the Transkei and the politics of Glad Eye.

We're all 90% water, walking water features, which explains the popularity of everything from porn fetishes to Port Elizabeth's Pipe parking lot.  "Baywatch," though, continues to baffle.

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